Yes, monogamy is more and more proving itself to be a prison of flatness and boredom, but I don’t think monogamy is on its way out - at all. What needs to change is how we relate to our partner and where we are relating from! 

Relationships in which one or both people are emotionally shut down almost always have an expiry date or a certain depth beyond which there is no access. Such relationships tend to lack aliveness as well as richness and warmth. They tend to be driven by fear, more than by love and joy. 

Boundaries are psycho-energetic membranes that both define and protect what’s sensitive, vulnerable, or wounded in us. A healthy boundary in a relationship can also be seen as a healthy expectation. Becoming aware of our boundaries is to become more fully human and to wake up to what makes fulfilling relationships possible.

To me, being intimate carries a quality of freshness and innocence, of curiosity and openness. When I feel open to Life in this way, my moment to moment experience is transformed regardless of what I’m going through.

Anyone can fall in love, that’s easy. But to sustain, deepen, and celebrate love through ups and downs of relational challenges - that’s an art well worth practicing.

Relating is among the most fulfilling experiences of our lives. When we feel deeply connected with someone (or a group of people such as a community) we feel truly at home and at peace, thoroughly enjoying what it means to be together.

Very often confused with both hatred and violence, anger by itself is simply a human emotion just like any other. For as long as we are alive, each of us is going to feel angry at times just like we are going to feel sad, ashamed, scared, etc.

Anger comes with being human. What matters most is how we choose to handle our anger.

Shame is arguably our most hidden (and perhaps also most painful) emotion. When in the grips of shame, we often feel flat, numb, collapsed. We might want to isolate - dig a hole in the ground and never come out.

Shame can be so painful that we feel like we’re dying. No wonder why we say “mortified” when talking about shame!

When couples struggle in their relationship, it is often because they aren’t taking care of one or more of these three domains. Either we aren’t taking care of ourselves or we aren’t truly respecting our partner or we are simply neglecting the needs of our relationship.

How we handle conflict in our relationships can determine whether or not our connection with our partner will grow stronger over time.

Even though conflict is part of any relating, a lot of us have such fear of it that we would avoid conflict even if our lives depended on it.

The concept of “co-dependency” has been around for a very long time. It has also been used to shame people into thinking there must be something wrong with them.

An individual cannot be “co-dependent” since “co” implies there is more than one person. Therefore, we can only call a relational dynamic “co-dependency” and not the person(s) involved.

In great relationships, our desire for autonomy and closeness are not seen as oppositional or contradictory, but as dance partners.

Practising the art of closeness without fusion and distance without disconnection, we can find joy in the spaces between us and freedom through our intimacy.

Perhaps the most essential work for couples is to establish a great foundation of safety and trust with each other. If we rush into our romance and go too fast, we fail to establish such a foundation.

You must allow enough time to digest the experiences in your intimacy with each other. Don’t rush anything. Wanting to rush intimacy is often a sign of fearfulness. Explore your fears.

I’m sure you’ve noticed our culture’s obsession with perfection. What is perfection? Has anyone been able to define it? Has anyone been able to achieve it and for how long?

“Perfect” is what we believe we must be in order to not feel hurt/ betrayed/ rejected/ abandoned/ you name it. Perfection and our attempts to be perfect are the reasons why many relationships fail.

Monogamy isn’t doing so well these days. Divorce rates are higher than ever and so are the numbers of unhappy couples stuck in boring monogamous relationships across the globe, everywhere.

In its place options abound: Casual dating forever, choosing a no-sex life, open relationships, monogamish arrangements, etcetera upon endless etcetera.

The importance of expressing ourselves in our relationships cannot be overemphasized. It is essential that we speak up so that our partner knows what’s going on for us.

Unfortunately, a lot of us don’t grow up learning how to effectively express ourselves and because of this, a lot of our communication stays mind-based instead of coming directly from our hearts.

A truly demanding partner will not put up with your self-deprecating inner talk, but will ask that you confront and beat your inner critic. A truly demanding partner will not be enamored by your potential, but will ask that you embody your gifts here and now.