Anger Unexplored is Anger Misused

If we define power as the capacity to act, then we can be compassionate only to the extent that we understand what we are doing with our power.

Exploring our power means deeply investigating — and becoming genuinely curious about — the impact our behaviors have on others. This is the birth of true responsibility and maturity, arising not from burden or obligation, but from genuine concern and mature love.

We become expressions of true sanity only when our power and love begin to work together.

Without healthy power, an open heart doesn’t have the grounding and safety it needs to dance freely and fully. And power without love can make a lot of noise without any tenderness or beauty, leaving us bitter and closed off.

Now, let’s replace “power” with “anger,” because anger is one of the most immediate and potentially hurtful expressions of our power.

Without healthy anger to protect our vulnerability when such protection is needed, we won’t feel safe enough to fully open and deepen in our humanity. And anger becomes bitterness and a source of aggression and isolation when it remains disconnected from the vulnerability and tenderness of the heart.

What a shame that many spiritual people tend to value compassion and love while paying little attention to their power and anger — often doing nothing to unearth, explore, or sanely embody them.

We can talk endlessly about love while remaining blind to how much of our anger we repress and turn into passive aggression, self-blame, or plain disconnection.

It is easy (and perhaps convenient) to forget that feeling thoroughly empowered within is a prerequisite for the heart to break open more and more deeply, revealing a love that cannot be contained.

And why do we postpone or altogether avoid this deep exploration of our power and anger? Because it is so damn painful.

It is painful to get in touch with our buried, repressed, or abused anger. Getting in touch with anger means getting in touch with what matters to us — and that hurts.

Exploring our anger often reveals deep wounds that cut straight into us.

This kind of anger dances with significance and vulnerability, with what truly matters and the pain of losing it.

Love and hurt, joy and pain, gratitude and loss — these are the domains of heart-anger. And so are an awake, mature sense of healthy shame and responsibility.

The more we own our power and anger, and see through the ways we’ve misused them in the past, the more sanely we begin to live and love now.

Seeing into our own journey of maturation catalyzes healthy shame and remorse for the times we’ve hurt others.

Healthy shame frees us — along with self-forgiveness — and helps us repair damage and rebuild trust with those we’ve disrespected or harmed. It restores integrity, reconnects us with our shared humanity, and deepens our bond with others. We become more aware of, and attuned to, people’s healthy boundaries.

For as long as we don’t explore our anger, none of this is possible. It is not enough to have a tender heart and good intentions if we are unaware of what we do and how our actions impact others.

Embodying healthy power — becoming truly response-able — requires that I look deeply into the moments when I collapse and freeze, or when I become reactive and aggressive. Power is dynamic energy, ready to be used at any given moment — on tap.

When our healthy anger is on tap, we become highly capable in relationships, able to express and uphold our boundaries without collapsing into fear of hurting others or spiraling into self-doubt.

As we unearth, explore, and embody these capacities, we also encounter our natural self-worth — the recognition that we are worthy of sane self-protection, that it is okay to say “no,” that we don’t owe people anything simply because we care.

Guilt-free living.

Such freedom allows us to be who we are, instead of pretending to be “happy,” or playing the “nice guy” or “sweet girl” out of fear. Power is our birthright, and so are peace and love. Explore — and keep exploring — your power and your anger, and you will discover through this deep dive much more than what you’re longing for.

Unguarded living.